Every Christmas in years past has been very close to a nightmare for me. I'm so strung out by the end of the day that I'm visibly shaking and I have to go into a dark room by myself, breathe, and force myself to be calm. I don't have a particularly mean-spirited or selfish family, either. The problem is all in my head. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it can be a real pain when things don't go exactly according to plan. My therapist said I should do small things that I can control completely when things get hectic, so this year I plan on controlling what funny Christmas t-shirts I'm wearing.
On Christmas Eve, I have several family members coming in from out-of-town to stay through the weekend with my and my family. That's a total of four days, but the only two that are really stressful are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I plan on using funny Christmas t-shirts as a distraction for both myself, and the family as they arrive all during the day. The first one is going to be fairly uncouth, because it really goes against a lot of what my family knows about me. It's a pretty funny shirt that has an image of a grotesquely fat Santa pooping down someone's chimney with a caption that reads, "You know you've been bad when..." If that shirt doesn't get a laugh, I can't think of one that will.
Christmas Day is the real killer for me, though. That one day of the year when nothing I plan comes out right. If it were possible, I would just go check into a clean hotel room and hide until everyone left. The year that I actually tried that, though, was a big fiasco. The cops were called and a missing persons report was filed, and everything. In order to manage my control issues, I will be wearing three funny Christmas t-shirts over the course of the day. The first will be a fat little bulldog saying "I Want It All, Santa!" for when the kids are opening presents. That will get a laugh, I'm sure!
Right after we all eat a very light lunch (or late breakfast, really), the wife and I start cooking dinner. We always do Christmas dinner up right, and I take great pride in the spread we lay out. What I don't enjoy, however, is how everyone constantly pops into the kitchen while we're working out butts off to get done on time. Sometimes it's to offer to help, sometimes to spy on the goodies, and sometimes to just make inane chatter. All that would be okay, if our kitchen wasn't so small. Just go take care of the kids and let us cook! The funny Christmas t-shirts will have changed to one that features a cat being fried by a strand of Christmas lights...because that's how I'm going to feel.
The last of my funny Christmas t-shirts will be worn after dinner and after everything's cleaned up. This is when the recovery period sets in and I have a couple glasses of wine. This is when I really enjoy my family and stop stressing out about how perfect the day needs to be. I'll put on the last shirt that features a whole family of snowmen holding hands. It will say, "There's nothing quite like a Christmas family." I think they'll all get the picture.
On Christmas Eve, I have several family members coming in from out-of-town to stay through the weekend with my and my family. That's a total of four days, but the only two that are really stressful are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I plan on using funny Christmas t-shirts as a distraction for both myself, and the family as they arrive all during the day. The first one is going to be fairly uncouth, because it really goes against a lot of what my family knows about me. It's a pretty funny shirt that has an image of a grotesquely fat Santa pooping down someone's chimney with a caption that reads, "You know you've been bad when..." If that shirt doesn't get a laugh, I can't think of one that will.
Christmas Day is the real killer for me, though. That one day of the year when nothing I plan comes out right. If it were possible, I would just go check into a clean hotel room and hide until everyone left. The year that I actually tried that, though, was a big fiasco. The cops were called and a missing persons report was filed, and everything. In order to manage my control issues, I will be wearing three funny Christmas t-shirts over the course of the day. The first will be a fat little bulldog saying "I Want It All, Santa!" for when the kids are opening presents. That will get a laugh, I'm sure!
Right after we all eat a very light lunch (or late breakfast, really), the wife and I start cooking dinner. We always do Christmas dinner up right, and I take great pride in the spread we lay out. What I don't enjoy, however, is how everyone constantly pops into the kitchen while we're working out butts off to get done on time. Sometimes it's to offer to help, sometimes to spy on the goodies, and sometimes to just make inane chatter. All that would be okay, if our kitchen wasn't so small. Just go take care of the kids and let us cook! The funny Christmas t-shirts will have changed to one that features a cat being fried by a strand of Christmas lights...because that's how I'm going to feel.
The last of my funny Christmas t-shirts will be worn after dinner and after everything's cleaned up. This is when the recovery period sets in and I have a couple glasses of wine. This is when I really enjoy my family and stop stressing out about how perfect the day needs to be. I'll put on the last shirt that features a whole family of snowmen holding hands. It will say, "There's nothing quite like a Christmas family." I think they'll all get the picture.
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